Owl and Raccoon – Truck

Prompt courtesy of Madison Woods. I suppose it’s a continuation of my other pieces, but off to the side a bit. Feel free to criticize.

The filthy man stopped and stared at the barbed wire strung loosely between tilted posts. He ran his finger along until it snagged and began to bleed.  The goblin told him to keep walking until he found the boy, but hadn’t said anything about a fence. His hypnotized mind couldn’t work the solution out.

He sucked his bleeding finger and stood beside the rusted and rotting old truck. Half-dead eyes fixed on the house. A leaf of an idea fluttered down in his mind, something about a sack full of money. He waved it away like a buzzing mosquito.

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16 thoughts on “Owl and Raccoon – Truck

  1. I liked this a lot, Craig. “A leaf of an idea fluttered down in his mind” – what a good line. To me, you captured his hazy and vacuous mental state perfectly. Well done.

  2. This is a great peak into a confused, fatigued human mind. He is hypnotised but is still getting ideas! Our brains do work like that isnnit?
    Love the last line!
    A very interesting take on the prompt!

    Here’s mine-
    http://wp.me/p2u5W-81

  3. Oh Craig, I’m starting to worry about Raccoon and Owl now, and I don’t like it! (That’s a lie, I love it, but it’s still scaring me.) You have created these two rival “baddies” – the goblin and the scary man – and I am enjoying seeing them playing off against each other, as well as the boys.

    On a word-by-word basis, there are so many great lines here – the leaf of an idea, the description fo the bleeding fingers, the last line… My one tiny comment, “along it until it snagged” pulled me up short a bit – the two “it”s are repetitive, but the bigger problem for me if that they refer to different nouns. Just a tiny thing, but maybe one you could polish when you publish these stories together as a book!

    I’m over here: http://wp.me/p1PeVl-69

  4. Haha, I had to laugh at elmowrite’s comment about worrying over Owl and Raccoon.

    What I saw in the story was a hypnotized zombie type who can’t figure out how to get past the fence because no instructions were included for going around or under or over obstacles in the path. Have to be very specific with those kinds, y’know.

    As for crit, I’d take out ‘the’ and make it “strung loosely between tilted posts”. Then I wouldn’t stumble over the word being used again in the first goblin sentence.

    Loved this little side jaunt and hope you keep going with it.

  5. Goblins dabble in hypnotism? So noted. I really enjoy this story time even though I’m worried about owl (that is the house the zombie-esque homeless guy is going to, right?

  6. You have really done a good job in creating this little world where humans, goblins, children and animals romp and murder in such a playful way. I did not believe you were connecting this story to your more light hearted owl and raccoon ones, but it still had a playful charm, and I definitely liked that leaf fluttering down.
    Yours on Planet 9 (missing it now)
    Laura

  7. I have a feeling I’m arriving late to the party because all these comments about owls, raccoons, goblins, zombies, murders, half-dead humans, etc., leave me perplexed. I’ll hang in for the ride however and see what transpires in the future. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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