Lonesome Whistle Blow

Prompts (farewell, pocketful, feeding, thief, maroon) courtesy of Cake.shortandsweet‘s Wednesday Write-In.

 

Weasel had a pocketful of things to say as he stood on the platform, inches away from Rabbit. But he felt like a thief had picked the lock on his heart and stole all the words he wanted to say, those had never said, but should have.

“I’ll be back to visit in a few weeks,” Rabbit said, chewing her lip. She gave him a tepid smile, hoping it would convey all the thoughts, hopes, and well-wishes,   but not the small sunrise of freedom she now felt.

Weasel stared at the maroon indentation in her bottom lip.  His insecurity looped around, coiled like a serpent feeding on its own tail. Growing fat on fear and loss and the gut-punch feeling of being left behind.

The train whistled and the conductor yelled, and they both smiled because they thought that only happened in movies. Rabbit kissed his cheek and ran up the metal stairs. Weasel turned and watched the train pull out of the station. Watched her pull away from him. The train gave another whistle, low and long as it slowly picked up speed. It snaked around a slow curve and then it was gone.

“Farewell,” he said, and meant it, but it was much too late.

 

Inspired by:

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11 thoughts on “Lonesome Whistle Blow

  1. Great description of insecurity; “looped around, coiled like a serpent feeding on its own tail”. Subtle emotions going on here too, I really liked it.

  2. Beautiful language and very emotional. Neither could speak their true feelings. My only problem is with their names. I suppose they are each other’s pet names?

    1. I use animal names, because I find them a bit less boring, than say, Dave or Sheila. And I don’t always do it right – but sometimes I like to imagine the characters manage to display some of the attributes of the animal. Thanks for the read.

  3. Gut punch feeling of being left behind is great and so is sunrise of freedom. I am not sure about the names either. But the feelings conveyed are great.

  4. Loved the pocketful and the tepid smile, beautiful images. I love the guilt/excitement wrapped up in Rabbit’s feelings here, and the selfish/selfless war in Weasel, not wanting to let her go but doing it anyway. It feels very true.

    Seeing as there’s some talk going on about the names. These names don’t totally work for me but I do like your habit of using animals or unusual names – I sometimes do the same myself for similar reasons; it makes a character more memorable; it can imbue them with certain qualities, etc. Maybe it’s because we just don’t see these characters for long enough to connect with them deeply enough for the names to resonate? This said, I like your choice of Weasel in contrast to a guy who seems to be doing the good/noble thing, and Rabbit as someone who seems to be seizing her destiny and going out into the world.

    So, maybe I’ve talked myself into liking them after all. I think that’s a compliment to your writing, that you’ve made me think about it this much!

  5. This is touching. I love: ‘a thief had picked the lock on his heart and stole all the words he wanted to say,’ and then at the end he finally has the word.
    Really lovely :)

  6. In fifteen minutes! Share the inspiration! Also read it with the sound on. Hank Williams, I discover.

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