Dzinski made his way up the stairs, keeping to the sides of each sagging step, to the third floor. The boarding house manager gave him a key, and said Waddil was likely in his room, never left before noon. The hall smelt of cheap noodles and cheaper wine, cigarettes and sweat. Radios blurted behind the thin walls.
He found the room and slid the key in the lock.
Movement from the left. Dzinski ducked, the club catching his shoulder. He spun, left arm arcing up, landing under the other’s chin. Another quick right and Waddil dropped to the threadbare carpet.
Prompt courtesy of the Friday Fictioneers. Read more stories here.
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The incident is rendered in great noir style. I would have liked a beginning and an end as well
haha, you got me, I thought I could get away with just the middle. Thanks for the read.
I agree with the previous commenter, it felt a little incomplete in the sense that it started smack in the middle of the action (so to speak) and ended well still in the action lol. Would have loved to keep reading!
I know what you mean, but at the same time, the only story I was trying to tell was that small part. Or maybe I’m making excuses, hahah, anyway, thanks for the read.
That small part is well written nonetheless :)
So many possibilities, I loved the imagery of this section. Mike
Thanks a bunch, Mike.
Very well written – and okay, technically, it can be considered a section or snippet – but for 100 words, the story can arguably still be considered “complete” – with the reader having to “fill in the blanks.”
This being said, it would be wonderful to have a bit more, to at least understand why or what the relationship is – but I still think you’ve fit the requirements well enough. And the writing is excellent -tight, tense, and it leaves one building in expectation. Explosive.
I’m glad you think so. I can understand the other criticisms, but to me, the “story” is getting in the apartment. Thanks for the read and the kind words.
Well I think it comes down to semantics. A story technically has a beginning, a middle and an end – and in order to be engaging, there has to be a conflict (of sorts) and a resolution. I think your piece fits all the requirements. But I think what throws people off is that the curiosity factor gets the better of us – and we want to know more. And because you’ve written it so well – it just makes the desire greater. :)
Great atmosphere – reads like a passage from a mystery or thriller that you’re yet to write, but which is clearly asking to be written!
Thanks!
You’re welcome!
Love the way you described it almost innocent but ending up in violence.
Thanks Bjorn, appreciate it.
I love the description of the hall. I could almost smell it myself, unfortunately!
hahah, thanks Clare.
Great atmosphere and action. What throws me a bit is not the snippet of action, that’s fine with me, but the fact that I don’t know who to root for. Who’s the baddie, who the good guy?
well, I suppose that is up to the reader. (even though this Dzinski guy pops up every now and then in other stories.) Thanks for the read.
Well written and worth it in it’s own right. 100 words of good description whether technically a story or not.
Thanks for the read.
It’s just as your title describes. He came in through the fog. I thought it was effective. Great take.
Neat. Thanks for picking up on that angle.